Last night there were footsteps, running, running, trying to get away from the causes of their torment. No, these were not people being chased by invisible monsters from a scifi movie, these were little boys or girls, trying to escape the proverbial bully. In the dream world of Amazon Sage, she is able to do something about it... sometimes that something comes in the form of understanding.
Last night the dreams of Amazon Sage transported her to Oakland California where two little boys are being attacked by four older bullies. They are next to a stream in the inner city. But it could be Detroit, LA, Atlanta, or a small town anywhere in the USA. Children are running to escape the older or stronger kids who, without intervention, become adult predators in one form or another. Socioeconomic background and race do not protect either the bully or the victim from this scourge.
In this case, the two victims are best friends, a white boy and a black boy. Minding their own business, they happily search for tadpoles in a nearby creek outside of their apartments. They are both children of single moms and are supposed to stay in the apartment complex while their moms are away. But on this day, they venture out of the security gate in search of adventure. They find more than they bargained for.
Suddenly, four tough looking older boys surround them, slinging racial and other slurs at them both. Two of their group grab one little boy, two grab the other, forcing them to the ground and shoving their faces into the water until the boys think their lungs will explode. Then they grab some of the prey the little boys caught and try to force the little boys to eat the creatures. Who knows what finally makes the bullies stop, but eventually they tire of their torment and leave laughing.
The little boys limp home, bleeding and traumatized, vowing to never allow this to happen again. For some children that vow becomes their painful initiation into becoming bullies themselves. For others, these victimized children shrink in fear, never wanting to leave the safety of their bedrooms again, while some lose themselves in the seemingly safer world of video games like Grand Theft Auto. Unfortunately, these types of video games originated as training videos to teach soldiers how to kill. Are we training a nation of killers?
Take a close enough look and you will find that most school yard shooters and parent killers experienced their own abuse; unfortunately not only from other kids. Then they learned how to kill, without regard for the consequences, through absorption in video games. Therefore, as I spoke to the parents of these young perpetrators I told them some things many don't know about bullies.
When a child is bullied, whether by schoolmates, a bigger cousin, or a belligerent parent, the effect is the same and it is long-lasting. Many parents will retort "Discipline teaches them respect." My answer? "Well, duh, of course the kid is going to act polite to their abuser." That's why so many abusive parents think "whipping" a child is okay. Flash! There are a lot more effective forms of discipline that don't carry the same risks. After all, that's all bullies are really doing... imitating someone in their lives who did them that way. Effective (non abusive) discipline takes more caring and time than many parents want to provide. That's why they make excuses, it's just easier to hit and yell.
So I asked the parents "Do you know what kind of person becomes a bully?" They shook their heads. "A person who is very scared inside, who has themselves been bullied, beaten, or betrayed." Fortunately, most parents really do love their children and will ask, "Who can help them stop being a bully before it's too late?" Again, my answer, "Anybody who really cares; by sitting down and talking with these kids about their dreams, helping them create their own goals and find other ways to fight their paralyzing fears, the ones that are currently only relieved through repeating what their own abuser did to them." So what happens to the little boys? Imagine the best and make it so.
